


Empty

by Umbalite



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: F/F, tw: death, tw: miscarriage
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-08
Updated: 2017-05-10
Packaged: 2018-04-08 06:11:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,599
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4293786
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Umbalite/pseuds/Umbalite
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Peridot tries to work through some feelings by talking to Jasper.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry I didn't post this right away! 
> 
> This is unrelated to my other Jaspidot AU, this is just something I wrote for fun!
> 
> Here's your lovely list of trigger warnings!
> 
> TW: death, blood, miscarriage.
> 
> Also, a special thanks to otakucheshire1 for being a great beta reader!
> 
> Let me know what you guys think! I absolutely adore hearing from you guys! Your comments give me life.

It was incredibly cold outside when Peridot finally arrived, but not even the weather could stop her from visiting Jasper. The bitter chill of January kept most residents indoors, but it also could have been the time of day. Not many people were active at two in the morning, but something about sneaking out so late made Peridot feel like they were in high school again, like there was nothing to worry about other than their parents noticing they were absent. She pulled the hood of her jacket up to keep her ears warm against the wind that whipped up, not that she really minded the cold. January was Jasper's favorite month. She loved the cold, she loved being in the cold, and she would always drag Peridot out to play in the snow, so Peridot learned to love the cold too. 

They met on the same hill that they always met on, under the same tree that they had their first kiss under, the whole place bathed in moonlight. Peridot arrived there after Jasper, not that it surprised her; she never beat Jasper there. Spreading a blanket down on the ground, she plopped down awkwardly, still not in full control of her stiff legs. She closed her eyes and sat quietly, listening to the breeze rattle the branches on the tree. She was the one to break the silence. 

"Hey, Jasper." Peridot was never really sure what to say. Even now, Jasper made her heart race and her thoughts tangle in the best way. She wasn't looking at her, but she could see the stupid smirk on Jaspers face, finding some sick pleasure in seeing Peridot so tongue tied. She always said it was cute, but Peridot was always too embarrassed to take it as a compliment. 

"I'm sorry it took so long to get here," she apologized. "I'm still not quiet used to walking in these prosthetics, especially not uphill." She hiked her skirt up to show Jasper, not minding the cold on her thighs. She prodded the metal harshly, listening to the clink of her nail on metal. "The cold sometimes makes what's left of my shins sore," she admitted, "but you know I don't mind it if I get to see you." 

Jasper was silent as usual. Pulling her skirt back down, she ran her hand over the cold metal of her legs. "People always ask me if I'm okay after what happened, and of course I say I am, because who wants to hear a grown woman talk about her losses? I don't-" Peridot stopped to ghost her fingers over her abdomen, still not quite used to how flat her stomach was again. "I don't feel anything anymore, Jasper," she murmured. "I don't feel anything but this empty, sad, ache. It's so weird. Have you ever felt like this?" 

Silence. She continued anyway. "My mom said it's depression, but I don't think depression could make me feel so-" She stopped again, waiting for some response she knew Jasper wouldn't give. She sighed and changed the subject. "I guess I haven't told you yet, huh? About what happened..." 

Peridot gave a shuddering sigh and stuffed her hands in her pockets, the cold starting to bite through her thin gloves. "I ended up miscarrying. The doctors didn't tell me at first, just like with you, but I knew it when it happened, just like...with you." 

Peridot laughed dryly and rubbed her eyes. "We were supposed to be starting a life together, Jas. You were so excited to be a parent and I ruined it. The accident, the miscarriage- this whole thing is my fault." 

"No, it wasn't." Peridot could hear Jasper, her voice a quiet murmur, no louder than the breeze. "None of this was your fault." 

"Of course it is!" Peridot shouted, determined to hold back tears. "Who the fuck decides it's a good idea to take a vacation in January? I-" Peridot clenched her eyes shut, refusing to live that nightmare again. 

It always started the same: they were on their way back home from the weekend getaway that Peridot had set up. Some old jazz song played quietly on the radio and Jasper had one hand on the wheel, the other holding Peridot's hand as she dozed, Peridot occasionally moving both to touch her distended midsection when there was movement. It was ten at night, and they had already been driving for hours. Jasper suggested they stop for the night, but Peridot pointed out that it was only an hour till they got home, they should keep driving. Besides, the snow wasn't awful and she was looking forward to curling up with Jasper in their own bed. 

A turn. A bend in the road. That's all it was. It was icy, Jasper took the turn too fast and suddenly everything was rolling, spinning, the whole world flipped over and slid into a snow bank. Peridot couldn't move, something heavy was pinning her legs down and- oh god there was glass and blood everywhere. She turned to look at Jasper and her face was so bloody, there was so much blood. How could she have so much blood on her? Peridot touched her face she knew, she just _knew-_

"Damnit!" Peridot shouted, turning and throwing a punch at the gravestone, not feeling the impact. "Damnit, Jasper, oh god..." She put her forehead against the smooth granite, finally giving into tears, huge droplets splatting the ground and freezing on the fallen leaves. She sobbed loudly, not caring if anyone heard. She would scream into the empty air forever if it meant she could stop reliving that night and stop feeling her heart break every minute of every day. 

_"Why did you have to die?"_


	2. Years later

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Years later, Peridot visits her beloved again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have risen from the grave to add on a happier ending to this after years and years of enjoying people's tears. 
> 
> As in all of my stories, Jasper is a MtF transgirl, just so you don't get caught up on how Jasper didn't know that Peridot was pregnant.
> 
> ANYWAY hope you like it.

"Jasper..." Peridot sighs. "It's been a while."

It's been exactly a year since Peridot has last visited. She doesn't limp like she used to, and her short hair has gotten shaggy and long. Peridot can't help but wonder about what Jasper might look like now. Same tall, muscular build? Or would she have lost some of her mass in favor of staying at home to watch their child? Peridot pushes these thoughts away-- she didn't come here to cry. 

Peridot clears her throat and tries not to look so nervous. The soft spring breeze rustles the paper around the flowers she's holding and the sweet scent of the flowers comforts her only slightly. Jasper, here or not, always seems to have the uncanny ability to make Peridot forget everything she had to say. Sighing, she places the flowers atop the grave and kneels to sit next to the gravestone, looking at the scenery. Everything is green and fresh in the springtime. The new growth and rebirth makes Peridot hopeful for her future, but she can't shake the feeling that she and Jasper have some things to discuss. 

"I had all these things written down so I wouldn't forget them, but I've seemed to have lost the paper," she chuckles. "You know me-- the most unorganized neat freak you know."

Silence, but not an uncomfortable one. Peridot leans against the headstone and looks up at the tree Jasper is buried beneath, their favorite tree. It too is blooming, fresh green leaves and small pink flower buds on all the branches. She thinks of the first time she was here with Jasper. 

"Do you remember our time under this tree?" Peridot smiles as fond memories come back to her, their time as high school sweethearts, being so enamored with each other but being so nervous about everything. She remembers their first kiss and how hasty and uncoordinated it was on both of their parts, but how wonderful it was anyway. Years later, Jasper asked Peridot to marry her at the very same place and they were wed on the same hilltop, underneath the same tree. Peridot told Jasper they were going to have a baby here. Their child would have been ten this year. 

Peridot doesn't try to hold back her tears this time. They aren't sad tears, though, they are quiet and happy as she remembers every wonderful moment she shared with her beloved here. She cries quietly for a few minutes more before wiping her face on her hand with a sigh. 

"I'm getting married again," Peridot says quietly, her heart racing. "Her name is Lapis Lazuli. She's my mother's friend's daughter and she helped me through a lot of my dark times all those years ago." The wind died down and she sat in utter silence. "Well, I'm not engaged yet," she said hastily. "We're going to dinner tonight and I found the ring in her bag while I was looking for my keys and I just... I'm excited." She laughed quietly to herself. "I felt like I should tell you first, but honestly... I'm ready. It's been so long since I've felt as happy as Lapis makes me." Tears prick her eyes again. "It's just been so long since you."

"Peri?" A voice calls from down the hill. Peridot looks up to see Lapis standing at the base of the hill, her long blue skirt flowing gently in the breeze that picked up again. Peridot hastily wipes her face and gives her a small wave before turning back to Jasper.

"I'll always love you, Jasper, never doubt that" she said, her voice shaking only slightly. "I'm just ready to live now and not in the past."

Leaning forward, her lips briefly make contact with the headstone as she gets ready to depart.

"I'll see you again someday, love."

**Author's Note:**

> Like I said, this is unrelated to my other Jaspidot AU, so don't worry too much! Let me know what you think, I love hearing from you guys!


End file.
